1
00:00:18,844 --> 00:00:20,455
Previously on Call Me Fitz.

2
00:00:20,455 --> 00:00:21,586
Oh Richard!

3
00:00:21,586 --> 00:00:23,501
This nice lady
clearly needs a car

4
00:00:23,501 --> 00:00:25,808
but seems to
think she doesn't.

5
00:00:25,808 --> 00:00:27,288
I see you've met
my daughter Paula.

6
00:00:27,288 --> 00:00:29,203
You sent her
to fuck me over.

7
00:00:29,203 --> 00:00:30,856
Oh, you mistake
my intentions.

8
00:00:30,856 --> 00:00:31,901
This could be a
very fortuitous

9
00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:33,120
marketing juncture.

10
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:36,471
[laughs]

11
00:00:36,471 --> 00:00:38,081
[moans]

12
00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:39,865
We'll give you 50 %
off a brand new

13
00:00:39,865 --> 00:00:41,954
post car product.

14
00:00:41,954 --> 00:00:44,044
Never drive used again.

15
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:44,783
I'll drown that
fuck in his

16
00:00:44,783 --> 00:00:46,742
patchouli juice.

17
00:00:48,787 --> 00:00:50,398
Mr. Childs told
me that he's

18
00:00:50,398 --> 00:00:53,792
Ken's long
lost brother.

19
00:00:53,792 --> 00:00:56,273
I could be
sitting pretty.

20
00:00:56,273 --> 00:01:00,016
I could have been
Mrs. Pat Childs.

21
00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:06,675
Oh Lainey, I want to
do it like old times.

22
00:01:06,675 --> 00:01:08,981
[screams]

23
00:01:08,981 --> 00:01:10,244
Evan Williams
Burbon Sours.

24
00:01:10,244 --> 00:01:12,420
My proposal
panty stripper,

25
00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:14,117
for when I want
to seal the deal.

26
00:01:14,117 --> 00:01:15,684
You fucking proposed?

27
00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:17,251
Every time you
guys get married,

28
00:01:17,251 --> 00:01:20,080
I'm the one
who gets fucked.

29
00:01:21,951 --> 00:01:23,083
We got a wedding to plan.

30
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,346
Ya we do.

31
00:01:26,738 --> 00:01:28,784
Cocksucker.

32
00:01:32,831 --> 00:01:34,790
You want to know what
fucks up a dude?

33
00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:36,487
Broads.

34
00:01:36,487 --> 00:01:39,403
Broads and the
choices they make.

35
00:01:39,403 --> 00:01:41,144
They do whatever
the fuck they want,

36
00:01:41,144 --> 00:01:43,755
and men pay the price.

37
00:01:43,755 --> 00:01:46,715
Like that French chick,
Marie Antoinette.

38
00:01:46,715 --> 00:01:49,631
How the fuck was the king
supposed to get laid when all

39
00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:53,591
she wanted to do was to stuff
her face with cake?

40
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:58,205
Or, Frida "Ooo, I want a
career too" Kahlo.

41
00:01:58,205 --> 00:02:01,643
A little less painting,
a little more plucking, Frida.

42
00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:04,776
No wonder Diego went batshit.

43
00:02:04,776 --> 00:02:07,823
You think Clyde would have
wound up as road meat

44
00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:11,696
if Bonnie hadn't stopped
to take a leak?

45
00:02:11,696 --> 00:02:14,351
Broads sell themselves
as all fishnets,

46
00:02:14,351 --> 00:02:17,137
pouty lips and
horn-dog perfume,

47
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:20,009
out to have a good time.

48
00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:21,663
Nuh uh.

49
00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:24,796
They're made of toxic venom,
they will sting you,

50
00:02:24,796 --> 00:02:28,496
entrap you and ruin your
fucking life.

51
00:02:31,586 --> 00:02:36,721
[♪ ♪]

52
00:02:36,721 --> 00:02:42,814
♪ Without you
I'd find my smile ♪

53
00:02:42,814 --> 00:02:47,819
♪ Without you
I'd'a won by a mile ♪

54
00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:53,956
♪ Without you
Oh life would be so grand ♪

55
00:02:53,956 --> 00:02:58,700
♪ Without you
I'm half a man ♪

56
00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:01,790
♪ With out you

57
00:03:04,619 --> 00:03:10,102
♪ Without youuu

58
00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:13,193
♪ Without you.

59
00:03:15,107 --> 00:03:16,805
[♪ wedding music ]

60
00:03:16,805 --> 00:03:18,981
Carnations?!

61
00:03:18,981 --> 00:03:20,374
Carnatations are
what you find in

62
00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:22,332
your proctologist's
office.

63
00:03:22,332 --> 00:03:25,117
This guy isn't
taking me seriously.

64
00:03:25,117 --> 00:03:26,206
This is a joke, right?

65
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,946
You two geriatric
fuck monkeys aren't

66
00:03:27,946 --> 00:03:29,600
actually going
through with this

67
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:30,601
bullshit wedding.

68
00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:31,646
No.

69
00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:32,821
We just think
flowers cheer

70
00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:34,779
this shithole up.

71
00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:36,999
Did you call the
retirement homes?

72
00:03:36,999 --> 00:03:39,915
Vegetables don't
grow on trees, Ken.

73
00:03:39,915 --> 00:03:41,046
Guest list
is loaded with

74
00:03:41,046 --> 00:03:42,744
Alzheimer's finest.

75
00:03:42,744 --> 00:03:44,746
We'll make a killing
on the gifts.

76
00:03:44,746 --> 00:03:46,051
I knew this was bullshit.

77
00:03:46,051 --> 00:03:47,662
Making a buck puts
the special in

78
00:03:47,662 --> 00:03:49,577
special day,
ass-clown.

79
00:03:49,577 --> 00:03:50,491
Wouldn't be a Fitzpatrick

80
00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:51,753
wedding
without it.

81
00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:52,971
Just another scam.

82
00:03:52,971 --> 00:03:54,973
Oh, don't be an
asshole, asshole.

83
00:03:54,973 --> 00:03:57,672
Your father is
legit and so am I.

84
00:03:57,672 --> 00:03:59,804
This is real and
nothing is gonna

85
00:03:59,804 --> 00:04:00,849
screw it up.

86
00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:02,198
For your information,

87
00:04:02,198 --> 00:04:03,808
your mother
and I are in -

88
00:04:03,808 --> 00:04:05,854
Say another word
and I will kill you.

89
00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:06,942
You know how I
feel about that

90
00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:08,900
lovey dovey shit.

91
00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:11,599
Uh fuck!

92
00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:20,869
Get out of my room!
Mom!

93
00:04:20,869 --> 00:04:22,784
It really is rude not
to knock, Richard.

94
00:04:22,784 --> 00:04:24,481
You morons are
in on this too?

95
00:04:24,481 --> 00:04:26,178
The dealership's about
to hit rock bottom,

96
00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:27,528
that O-Mo clown,
Pat Childs,

97
00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:29,573
up our ass and all
Ken cares about is

98
00:04:29,573 --> 00:04:30,879
this fucking wedding.

99
00:04:30,879 --> 00:04:32,141
Look! I've been
waiting to be a

100
00:04:32,141 --> 00:04:33,534
flower girl for the
last thirty-five--

101
00:04:34,535 --> 00:04:35,492
twenty-eight years.

102
00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:36,232
I even hired
security to make

103
00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:37,886
sure it happens, okay.

104
00:04:37,886 --> 00:04:39,453
Does this dress say
fuck the flower girl

105
00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:40,889
to you, or...

106
00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:42,760
I volunteered to
do the speech.

107
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:43,935
Yeah, I'm
researching fun

108
00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:47,156
Fitzpatrick
memories now.

109
00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:48,288
Is there anybody
around here who

110
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,463
hasn't lost their
fucking mind?

111
00:04:49,463 --> 00:04:51,508
Do I go with a
Quinciano or

112
00:04:51,508 --> 00:04:52,814
El Veintitres
as my sacred

113
00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:54,598
matrimonial
sombrero?

114
00:04:54,598 --> 00:04:55,556
You're marrying
them?

115
00:04:55,556 --> 00:04:56,905
You're not a
fucking priest.

116
00:04:56,905 --> 00:04:59,864
Church of La Sagrada
Familia, Dude.

117
00:04:59,864 --> 00:05:01,953
Yeah, that's right:
me and Jesus

118
00:05:01,953 --> 00:05:03,477
are homies, ese.

119
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,088
[♪ Mexican music ]

120
00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:06,915
Cool hey?

121
00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:08,133
I got it off eBay.

122
00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:09,309
Makes everything feel
a little bit more

123
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,267
Mexico-y.

124
00:05:13,965 --> 00:05:14,314
Oh my.

125
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,053
What?

126
00:05:15,053 --> 00:05:16,968
Oh, I'm Meghan.

127
00:05:16,968 --> 00:05:17,926
Oooh! Oooh!

128
00:05:19,014 --> 00:05:20,276
Oh, Fuck me.

129
00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:26,804
I just don't
understand why you

130
00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:29,024
wouldn't tell me that
you have a brother.

131
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:30,460
I was waiting for
the right time,

132
00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:31,766
ladybug.

133
00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:34,159
He tried to frame
you for pedophilia.

134
00:05:35,683 --> 00:05:37,859
Kenneth has
his quirks.

135
00:05:39,164 --> 00:05:42,733
They seem like awful
people-- they drink,

136
00:05:42,733 --> 00:05:44,909
and do drugs,
run brothels.

137
00:05:44,909 --> 00:05:46,911
I mean Richard
Fitzpatrick tried

138
00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:48,652
to sell his
own child!

139
00:05:48,652 --> 00:05:51,916
And we were there
to save him.

140
00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:53,527
Isn't that what
family is for?

141
00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:56,007
The Earth takes the
Sun's light and

142
00:05:56,007 --> 00:05:57,966
gives nothing
in return,

143
00:05:57,966 --> 00:05:59,968
except for companionship.

144
00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:02,449
I think with time,
you and your new

145
00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:05,800
cousin could become
quite close.

146
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:09,281
I'm not sure that's
the best idea.

147
00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:14,156
Who the hell is
buying up all the

148
00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:14,896
used cars in
this town?

149
00:06:14,896 --> 00:06:15,853
This is Ken's Job!

150
00:06:15,853 --> 00:06:17,594
Oh, it's nice to
hear you admit

151
00:06:17,594 --> 00:06:18,421
you're a team.

152
00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:19,422
Never were.

153
00:06:19,422 --> 00:06:20,380
Never will be.

154
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,337
Richard, the
stronger this

155
00:06:21,337 --> 00:06:22,730
family is,
the stronger your

156
00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:24,296
family business
will be.

157
00:06:24,296 --> 00:06:25,994
What the hell are
you talking about?

158
00:06:25,994 --> 00:06:27,865
Look, this wedding
is a way to embrace

159
00:06:27,865 --> 00:06:30,128
the tangled roots of
your family tree.

160
00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:31,216
Which, as it happens,

161
00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:32,870
is the metaphor that
forms a narrative

162
00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:34,698
through-line of my speech.

163
00:06:34,698 --> 00:06:36,787
A tale of little
Ken and Pat,

164
00:06:36,787 --> 00:06:38,876
brought up single-
handedly by Alice,

165
00:06:38,876 --> 00:06:40,356
working day and
night to provide

166
00:06:40,356 --> 00:06:41,531
a loving home
for her sons.

167
00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:42,967
I need for my dirty
little boys to stay

168
00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:46,406
quiet while Mommy's
working, okay?

169
00:06:54,109 --> 00:06:55,980
Ring off,
big boy.

170
00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:58,679
Alice doesn't
do married.

171
00:07:05,033 --> 00:07:06,513
Oh ya, baby.

172
00:07:07,818 --> 00:07:09,559
Oooh!

173
00:07:09,559 --> 00:07:10,299
I'm not a
dirty boy.

174
00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:12,997
I am not a
dirty boy.

175
00:07:15,826 --> 00:07:16,827
I am.

176
00:07:18,307 --> 00:07:19,656
Two peas in a pod.

177
00:07:19,656 --> 00:07:21,963
Like us,
Richard!

178
00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:23,573
If Grandma Alice
could keep her

179
00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:25,923
family together and
earn a good living,

180
00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:28,970
Well then Ken and
Elaine can too.

181
00:07:30,014 --> 00:07:31,494
Two peas in a pod.

182
00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:33,148
Ya.

183
00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:36,717
Larry, for a retard you
are a fucking genius.

184
00:07:36,717 --> 00:07:37,848
I am?

185
00:07:37,848 --> 00:07:38,762
What's the one thing
that could fuck up

186
00:07:38,762 --> 00:07:39,763
a Fitzpatrick
family wedding?

187
00:07:39,763 --> 00:07:40,764
Cash bar!

188
00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:41,635
Pat Childs.

189
00:07:41,635 --> 00:07:42,766
Pat Childs?

190
00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:43,767
Nothing says I love
you like a good old

191
00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:45,813
fashion family feud.

192
00:07:49,643 --> 00:07:50,644
What?

193
00:07:57,694 --> 00:07:58,608
Richard!

194
00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:00,044
So happy to see you.

195
00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:01,829
Hey, thanks for
dropping the charges.

196
00:08:01,829 --> 00:08:03,787
All lessons are
worthy lessons,

197
00:08:03,787 --> 00:08:04,962
even if they arise

198
00:08:04,962 --> 00:08:07,487
from fraudulent
pedophilia scams.

199
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,270
Right.

200
00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:09,314
Please.

201
00:08:11,447 --> 00:08:13,057
Whoa! Haha.

202
00:08:15,756 --> 00:08:16,887
So what the fuck are
you doing?

203
00:08:16,887 --> 00:08:17,801
Meditating.

204
00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:18,802
Calms the mind.

205
00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:20,412
And gives you hemorrhoids.

206
00:08:20,412 --> 00:08:21,022
You have your
father's bawdy

207
00:08:21,022 --> 00:08:22,893
sense of humor.

208
00:08:22,893 --> 00:08:24,329
Speaking of,
you hear the old man

209
00:08:24,329 --> 00:08:26,854
and Elaine are getting
hitched again...

210
00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:28,508
Today.

211
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,031
It is happy news.

212
00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:31,336
You know,
she still got the

213
00:08:31,336 --> 00:08:33,469
hots for your
scrawny vegan ass.

214
00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:38,822
Well, I do eat
- fish - occasionally.

215
00:08:38,822 --> 00:08:40,128
[chuckles]

216
00:08:40,128 --> 00:08:43,914
See, I too have a
bawdy sense of humor.

217
00:08:43,914 --> 00:08:44,785
[chuckles]

218
00:08:44,785 --> 00:08:46,787
So you do, slick.

219
00:08:46,787 --> 00:08:48,919
So you do.

220
00:08:48,919 --> 00:08:50,399
Must be why Elaine
couldn't stop

221
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:52,836
talking about you
the other night.

222
00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:54,969
Elaine and I haven't seen
each other in years.

223
00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:56,100
She said how much
better her life

224
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:58,494
would have been if
Ken hadn't stolen

225
00:08:58,494 --> 00:09:00,061
her away from you.

226
00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:02,933
Oh, I wouldn't
call it stealing.

227
00:09:05,196 --> 00:09:06,197
It's true,
Lainey and I were

228
00:09:06,197 --> 00:09:09,200
once an item when we
were young.

229
00:09:11,681 --> 00:09:14,292
But, my brother's
interest in her was

230
00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:15,816
purely platonic.

231
00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:34,486
Kenneth was excited
by our relationship.

232
00:09:34,486 --> 00:09:37,011
Really quite enthusiastic.

233
00:09:43,713 --> 00:09:45,672
Did Elaine send you?

234
00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:48,849
Listen, if you ever
wanted another chance,

235
00:09:48,849 --> 00:09:51,329
now's the time, squeaky.

236
00:09:52,853 --> 00:09:54,289
Arghh-- there
I go again,

237
00:09:54,289 --> 00:09:57,727
putting my dick
in my mouth.

238
00:09:57,727 --> 00:10:13,525
[♪ ♪]

239
00:10:13,525 --> 00:10:15,832
[weird whistling]

240
00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:16,616
Oh fuck me.

241
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:17,878
What do you want,
Vince?

242
00:10:17,878 --> 00:10:20,445
My alien overlord's
earthly flock has grown.

243
00:10:20,445 --> 00:10:22,056
We require
a new vessel.

244
00:10:22,056 --> 00:10:23,318
You want to
buy a car?

245
00:10:23,318 --> 00:10:24,232
How are you going
to pay for it?

246
00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:25,712
With shopping carts?

247
00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:27,801
I'll pay a
fair price.

248
00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:29,150
And, once you've
received the star

249
00:10:29,150 --> 00:10:32,109
master's insertion,
you can come with us.

250
00:10:32,109 --> 00:10:33,720
The plains of Themis
glitter with the

251
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:36,940
spilled milk of
unicorn mares.

252
00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:43,468
Hey, you're not
authorized to

253
00:10:43,468 --> 00:10:44,905
dispense space
messages yet.

254
00:10:44,905 --> 00:10:45,862
Stay still.

255
00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:48,473
Fuck me.

256
00:10:48,473 --> 00:10:50,127
Childs doesn't
waste any time.

257
00:10:53,827 --> 00:10:54,784
My mom and Childs?

258
00:10:56,046 --> 00:10:57,134
They were up to
something together

259
00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:58,179
all along.

260
00:10:59,789 --> 00:11:02,923
They're trying to
take us down!

261
00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:03,967
Fuck.

262
00:11:10,104 --> 00:11:11,801
What the fuck are
you looking at?

263
00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:13,107
The geriatric
asshole whose

264
00:11:13,107 --> 00:11:15,675
brother and wife-to-be
are fucking him over.

265
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,372
I just saw Elaine
with your brother.

266
00:11:17,372 --> 00:11:20,070
The brother she
still loves.

267
00:11:21,071 --> 00:11:22,594
What the fuck is
wrong with you?

268
00:11:22,594 --> 00:11:24,771
Lo siento,
Señor Fitzpatrick,

269
00:11:24,771 --> 00:11:26,250
no entiendo.

270
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:27,730
Mom's joining forces
with Childs.

271
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:28,992
They'll wipe
us out for good.

272
00:11:28,992 --> 00:11:32,300
Nothing is going to
destroy my special day,

273
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:34,824
you ungrateful
little shit.

274
00:11:36,086 --> 00:11:38,306
Oh what's that?

275
00:11:38,306 --> 00:11:39,307
We're at capacity?

276
00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:40,395
I'm sorry.

277
00:11:40,395 --> 00:11:41,788
I'm going to have to
ask you to leave.

278
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:42,614
Fuck you.

279
00:11:42,614 --> 00:11:43,920
Base camp to Cholita.

280
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:44,834
Over.

281
00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:45,922
Cholita?

282
00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:46,967
What?

283
00:11:46,967 --> 00:11:47,924
My prison friends
offered to do

284
00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:48,882
security for
work credits.

285
00:11:48,882 --> 00:11:49,752
Racist.

286
00:11:49,752 --> 00:11:51,319
You can't tell
me to leave!

287
00:11:51,319 --> 00:11:52,842
Daddy put me in
charge of security,

288
00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:54,757
and no one is going to
ruin my special day,

289
00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:56,933
not even you, Dick.

290
00:11:56,933 --> 00:11:58,630
Do your thing,
Cho-cho.

291
00:11:58,630 --> 00:11:59,849
Oh la ley

292
00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:00,850
Hey.

293
00:12:00,850 --> 00:12:02,330
I like my
ladies large.

294
00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:03,592
Do you?

295
00:12:03,592 --> 00:12:04,549
So do I, asshole.

296
00:12:04,549 --> 00:12:05,028
Let's go.

297
00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:08,728
Ow, ow, OW!

298
00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:16,997
Hey, Richard.

299
00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:18,041
Cuz.

300
00:12:20,304 --> 00:12:21,479
What are you
doing here?

301
00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:24,134
Well, I thought now
that we're related,

302
00:12:24,134 --> 00:12:26,920
it'd be a good idea
for us to get to

303
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:27,921
know each other.

304
00:12:27,921 --> 00:12:28,878
Or your old man
sent you here to

305
00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:30,097
fuck with me.

306
00:12:32,055 --> 00:12:34,101
Like you don't know
what's going on.

307
00:12:34,101 --> 00:12:35,885
I know my father has
family he never

308
00:12:35,885 --> 00:12:37,713
told me about.

309
00:12:37,713 --> 00:12:39,759
I know that
you're my cousin.

310
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:42,631
And my last name
isn't Childs.

311
00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:43,850
Even though I don't
usually touch

312
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:44,807
alcoholic beverages,

313
00:12:44,807 --> 00:12:47,244
I could really
use a drink.

314
00:12:58,734 --> 00:13:01,955
You're seriously
not in on this?

315
00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:05,697
She marries Ken,

316
00:13:05,697 --> 00:13:07,917
she gets fifty percent
of my dealership--

317
00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:10,833
she flips it
to your father.

318
00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:12,095
We can't run an
honest business

319
00:13:12,095 --> 00:13:13,357
with secret deals.

320
00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:17,144
We have to
stop them.

321
00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:18,580
Only way to stop the
merger is to

322
00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:19,886
stop the wedding.

323
00:13:19,886 --> 00:13:21,931
I can't get in--

324
00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:25,413
But you can.

325
00:13:25,413 --> 00:13:38,165
[♪ ♪]

326
00:13:38,165 --> 00:13:39,253
Okay,
come on.

327
00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:40,732
Oh Christmas paper.

328
00:13:40,732 --> 00:13:41,298
That's wonderful.

329
00:13:41,298 --> 00:13:42,212
So great.

330
00:13:42,212 --> 00:13:43,213
Oh wow!

331
00:13:43,213 --> 00:13:43,823
You really
went all out.

332
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:44,867
It's Fantastic.

333
00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:45,955
Who the hell
called the cheap

334
00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:47,174
retirement home?

335
00:13:47,174 --> 00:13:49,176
Why can't anyone
remember to bring cash?

336
00:13:49,176 --> 00:13:50,830
Fucking Altzy's.

337
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,788
Ok, de-de-de.

338
00:13:52,788 --> 00:13:53,789
Are you single?

339
00:13:53,789 --> 00:13:54,877
What?

340
00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:56,357
Answer the question.

341
00:13:56,357 --> 00:13:57,967
Yes.

342
00:13:57,967 --> 00:13:58,838
Next!

343
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,665
But I'm your cousin.

344
00:14:00,665 --> 00:14:01,579
You think you're the
first one to play

345
00:14:01,579 --> 00:14:03,103
this bullshit
cousin card.

346
00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:04,495
There are men
in there.

347
00:14:04,495 --> 00:14:06,106
Hot single men.

348
00:14:06,106 --> 00:14:07,803
You're not gonna get
in my way so just

349
00:14:07,803 --> 00:14:10,762
move along, sister.

350
00:14:10,762 --> 00:14:13,026
You and your prettiness

351
00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:13,765
Ok, keep moving.

352
00:14:13,765 --> 00:14:14,766
Oh a pitcher?

353
00:14:14,766 --> 00:14:16,899
That's stellar.

354
00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:18,553
Ah buh buh.

355
00:14:19,815 --> 00:14:21,034
Who sent you an
invitation?

356
00:14:21,034 --> 00:14:22,165
The only invitation
I have is the one my

357
00:14:22,165 --> 00:14:24,689
alien overlord
sent me--

358
00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:25,908
an invitation
of light,

359
00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:30,695
sweet star maiden of
the Martian canals.

360
00:14:30,695 --> 00:14:31,871
Okay that's hot.

361
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:32,915
You're in.

362
00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:34,090
Move along.

363
00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:34,917
Great.

364
00:14:37,224 --> 00:14:38,486
Keep moving.

365
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:42,794
Oh, dear.

366
00:14:50,324 --> 00:14:51,325
Showtime.

367
00:14:53,849 --> 00:14:56,634
Patricia, so glad
you could make it.

368
00:14:56,634 --> 00:15:00,943
Kenneth, wouldn't have
missed it for the world.

369
00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:05,295
I ah, I brought the
lovely bride a gift.

370
00:15:05,295 --> 00:15:06,688
A key to the first
car off the

371
00:15:06,688 --> 00:15:08,777
O-Mobile assembly
line when we

372
00:15:08,777 --> 00:15:11,432
start up production.

373
00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:15,915
I saved you the best
seat in the house, bro.

374
00:15:17,612 --> 00:15:19,875
What the fuck
is this?

375
00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:26,012
Ladies.

376
00:15:33,062 --> 00:15:34,716
Oh, hello Richard.

377
00:15:34,716 --> 00:15:36,152
Paula.

378
00:15:36,152 --> 00:15:37,327
Out of my way,
cock-cheese.

379
00:15:37,327 --> 00:15:38,372
I got a wedding to
fuck up.

380
00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:39,895
Richard, I commend
your Herculean

381
00:15:39,895 --> 00:15:41,375
efforts to attend
your mother and

382
00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:44,030
father's re-nuptials
and I am here to help.

383
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:45,074
Yeah you
can help me

384
00:15:45,074 --> 00:15:46,554
by getting out
of my fucking way.

385
00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:47,685
No no, as master
of ceremonies,

386
00:15:47,685 --> 00:15:48,991
I have a plan to ceremonially

387
00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:50,993
mastermind your
day in the sun.

388
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:53,517
All you need to do
is wait here.

389
00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:55,824
I won't be
but a minute.

390
00:15:57,347 --> 00:15:59,915
I don't mind
waiting here.

391
00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:03,571
[giggles]

392
00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:04,528
Yet another rich

393
00:16:04,528 --> 00:16:05,834
family Fitzpatrick tradition.

394
00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:07,879
Locks on the outside.

395
00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:11,492
That elongated cock-
midget locked us in!!

396
00:16:11,492 --> 00:16:13,581
Larry, open this
fucking door!

397
00:16:13,581 --> 00:16:16,584
There's a robust latina
guarding the window.

398
00:16:16,584 --> 00:16:17,977
Oh fuck.

399
00:16:20,283 --> 00:16:21,719
I guess we're just
going to have

400
00:16:21,719 --> 00:16:22,938
to wait it out.

401
00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:25,897
Here.

402
00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:29,510
On this bed.

403
00:16:41,391 --> 00:16:42,392
[♪ ♪]

404
00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:48,442
I thought the groom
wasn't supposed to

405
00:16:48,442 --> 00:16:50,009
see the bride on
his special day.

406
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,272
The groom can fuck
off and tell me

407
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:53,447
who in the hell
invited little

408
00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:56,189
Patty Handwasher
to my wedding.

409
00:16:56,189 --> 00:16:59,670
Can the groom give
you this first?

410
00:17:02,282 --> 00:17:04,284
Same thing I wore
the first time

411
00:17:04,284 --> 00:17:05,676
we got hitched.

412
00:17:05,676 --> 00:17:08,288
I even had the bullet
hole repaired.

413
00:17:08,288 --> 00:17:09,941
What are you up to,
old man?

414
00:17:09,941 --> 00:17:13,989
Lainey, I want it to
be exactly the same.

415
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,254
Let's do this.

416
00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:20,691
[♪ ♪]

417
00:17:27,698 --> 00:17:29,352
[snoring]

418
00:17:29,352 --> 00:17:34,705
[♪ ♪]

419
00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:37,708
The place of honor
for Grandma Alice.

420
00:17:37,708 --> 00:17:40,842
[snoring]

421
00:17:40,842 --> 00:17:42,235
Josh.

422
00:17:45,151 --> 00:17:46,108
Joshua, it's time
for the vows!

423
00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:48,937
¿Donde esta?

424
00:17:54,986 --> 00:17:56,075
Buenos Dias.

425
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,685
Buenos Tardes.

426
00:17:57,685 --> 00:17:58,990
Buenos Nachos.

427
00:18:02,907 --> 00:18:04,605
Ok, ready to go.

428
00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:23,406
[♪ ♪]

429
00:18:23,406 --> 00:18:25,539
[giggles flirtatiously]

430
00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:26,714
All rise.

431
00:18:26,714 --> 00:18:39,205
[♪ ♪]

432
00:18:39,205 --> 00:18:40,684
Oh ya!

433
00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:47,387
[♪ ♪]

434
00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:49,519
No European country
prohibits marriage

435
00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:51,347
between first cousins.

436
00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:55,786
[♪ ♪]

437
00:18:55,786 --> 00:18:58,963
Oh! It's allowed in
Canada and Mexico too.

438
00:18:58,963 --> 00:18:59,964
Oh.

439
00:18:59,964 --> 00:19:04,926
[♪ ♪]

440
00:19:04,926 --> 00:19:06,057
It's like we're one.

441
00:19:06,057 --> 00:19:09,322
Yeah, it's like I'm
fucking myself!

442
00:19:09,322 --> 00:19:17,939
[♪ ♪]

443
00:19:17,939 --> 00:19:19,897
[sneezes]

444
00:19:19,897 --> 00:19:21,508
Is this the
water closet?

445
00:19:21,508 --> 00:19:22,378
Uh, oh.

446
00:19:22,378 --> 00:19:23,814
No no, keep
it open!

447
00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:25,338
Keep it op- oop.

448
00:19:27,949 --> 00:19:30,299
[in a bad Mexican accent]
Hombres e Hombriettas,

449
00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:32,606
we are gathered
here today to

450
00:19:32,606 --> 00:19:33,868
unite perfection.

451
00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:35,261
Much like
chips and salsa;

452
00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:38,786
Ken is brittle
and salty;

453
00:19:38,786 --> 00:19:41,789
and Elaine is
fiery and caliente,

454
00:19:41,789 --> 00:19:44,922
and filled with big
chunks of tomatos.

455
00:19:44,922 --> 00:19:47,447
Shut your fajita
hole, moron.

456
00:19:47,447 --> 00:19:48,491
Ok.

457
00:19:48,491 --> 00:19:50,058
We are not doing
shit until you tell

458
00:19:50,058 --> 00:19:52,800
me why your
brother is here.

459
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,889
Shouldn't he be asking
you that, Mom?!

460
00:19:54,889 --> 00:19:56,847
Tell him about your
deal with Childs!

461
00:19:56,847 --> 00:19:58,153
Gold Schnapps?

462
00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:02,505
Leave it
alone, kid.

463
00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:03,550
My business is
none of your

464
00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:04,855
fucking business.

465
00:20:04,855 --> 00:20:05,813
Who do you think's
been buying up

466
00:20:05,813 --> 00:20:07,467
all the used stock
in town huh?

467
00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:09,991
Mr. Fucking Save-the-
Fairy-Polar-Bears,

468
00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:11,427
that's who.

469
00:20:11,427 --> 00:20:12,776
He wants to destroy
our dealership.

470
00:20:12,776 --> 00:20:13,908
And they're in
on it together!

471
00:20:13,908 --> 00:20:15,257
Why do you think
he's here.

472
00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:17,259
This is not
in my research.

473
00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:19,261
Keep your pants on,
cum-stain.

474
00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:20,871
I invited him.

475
00:20:20,871 --> 00:20:22,395
What the fuck are
you talking about?

476
00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:24,266
I invited him.

477
00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:26,007
Mushroom cock
still has the

478
00:20:26,007 --> 00:20:28,270
hots for Lainey.

479
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:30,054
I just wanted
to see his face

480
00:20:30,054 --> 00:20:31,926
before I stole
her away again.

481
00:20:31,926 --> 00:20:33,841
Mother fucker.

482
00:20:33,841 --> 00:20:35,408
You only proposed
to me to get back

483
00:20:35,408 --> 00:20:36,887
at your brother?

484
00:20:36,887 --> 00:20:38,411
And you.

485
00:20:38,411 --> 00:20:39,847
You wanted shut
us down because

486
00:20:39,847 --> 00:20:41,892
you still want me?

487
00:20:42,980 --> 00:20:44,286
Elaine, I think
it's time we told

488
00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:46,245
everyone the truth.

489
00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:49,291
What the fuck is
going on?

490
00:20:49,291 --> 00:20:51,075
I helped organize
this event in the

491
00:20:51,075 --> 00:20:52,729
name of family
reconciliation and

492
00:20:52,729 --> 00:20:54,775
the choice between
chicken and fish.

493
00:20:54,775 --> 00:20:55,732
Chicken.

494
00:20:55,732 --> 00:20:58,387
In the name of
narrative truth!

495
00:20:58,387 --> 00:21:02,261
Yeah, so ah, what's
going on here guys?

496
00:21:09,877 --> 00:21:13,533
Alright, you want
to know the truth?

497
00:21:15,230 --> 00:21:16,405
I love you, Lainey.

498
00:21:16,405 --> 00:21:20,191
Stop being a sniveling
douchebag, Patty.

499
00:21:20,191 --> 00:21:21,541
You're so zesty!

500
00:21:21,541 --> 00:21:26,981
Ah, well I had been going
steady with Mr. Clean

501
00:21:26,981 --> 00:21:28,374
for far too many
hellish years

502
00:21:28,374 --> 00:21:30,158
when he decided to
save my honor and

503
00:21:30,158 --> 00:21:31,202
pop the question.

504
00:21:33,944 --> 00:21:36,556
In front of his
mother no less.

505
00:21:36,556 --> 00:21:40,516
Elaine, will
you marry me?

506
00:21:40,516 --> 00:21:41,604
God I need
a drink.

507
00:21:41,604 --> 00:21:44,172
I hate this
kind of romantic shit.

508
00:21:44,172 --> 00:21:45,391
But what the cock-
washer didn't know

509
00:21:45,391 --> 00:21:47,218
was that I'd been
eyeing his brother

510
00:21:47,218 --> 00:21:48,176
the whole time.

511
00:21:48,176 --> 00:21:49,177
She's right.

512
00:21:49,177 --> 00:21:51,875
You are a sniveling douchebag.

513
00:21:53,616 --> 00:21:55,357
Sure, Pat would have been
the sensible choice.

514
00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:57,881
But then he said the
one thing that

515
00:21:57,881 --> 00:21:59,883
pushed me over
the edge--

516
00:21:59,883 --> 00:22:01,058
But when
we made--

517
00:22:01,058 --> 00:22:02,451
Stop.

518
00:22:02,451 --> 00:22:03,844
Don't say it.

519
00:22:03,844 --> 00:22:05,672
Made love.

520
00:22:05,672 --> 00:22:07,456
We made sweet
sweet love.

521
00:22:07,456 --> 00:22:09,328
[retching]

522
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:09,937
Get it off.

523
00:22:09,937 --> 00:22:11,591
GET IT OFF!

524
00:22:14,115 --> 00:22:17,031
Dirty boy!
Dirty boy!

525
00:22:17,031 --> 00:22:18,728
Vegas or bust.

526
00:22:18,728 --> 00:22:19,816
You coming, baby?

527
00:22:19,816 --> 00:22:21,035
Fuck, yeah.

528
00:22:23,298 --> 00:22:24,299
Lainey!

529
00:22:26,954 --> 00:22:28,129
Lainey!

530
00:22:28,129 --> 00:22:28,956
So O-Mo's
a Homo.

531
00:22:28,956 --> 00:22:30,914
We all
knew that.

532
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:38,226
I was pregnant, fucknuckle.

533
00:22:38,226 --> 00:22:39,836
[crowd oohs]

534
00:22:39,836 --> 00:22:41,882
Jesus Christ, Lainey.

535
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:46,103
Wait, uh.

536
00:22:46,103 --> 00:22:48,323
Pregnant with
Richard?

537
00:22:49,455 --> 00:22:50,673
Ehh, yeah.

538
00:22:50,673 --> 00:22:52,632
So Pat Childs is...

539
00:22:54,068 --> 00:22:57,767
Richard, I am your
real father.

540
00:22:58,812 --> 00:23:01,031
Ay dios mio.

541
00:23:01,031 --> 00:23:04,252
You gotta be
fucking kidding me.

542
00:23:05,949 --> 00:23:06,994
You know how
much it cost me

543
00:23:06,994 --> 00:23:09,213
to raise that
little shitsack?

544
00:23:09,213 --> 00:23:10,301
Lots.

545
00:23:10,301 --> 00:23:11,825
Last week Elaine
asked me to sign

546
00:23:11,825 --> 00:23:12,869
a non-disclosure
agreement to keep

547
00:23:12,869 --> 00:23:16,307
Ken from finding
out the truth

548
00:23:16,307 --> 00:23:21,225
Ah, so that
means Paula is--

549
00:23:23,445 --> 00:23:24,838
- My sister?

550
00:23:30,713 --> 00:23:33,847
This means I'm an only
mother-fucking child!

551
00:23:33,847 --> 00:23:35,326
Ooh ooh!

552
00:23:38,504 --> 00:23:42,504
[♪ ♪]